I recently started reading Compassion by Nouwen, McNeill and Morrison. I sort of felt like I had no choice. It's one of those things where this book was put in front of me from a number of different directions (Katie's deserted island library was one of them). It demanded a place on my reading list. I don't have any regrets yet. Only one chapter in, I already have something worth sharing. "When we take a critical look at ourselves, we have to recognize that competition, not compassion, is our main motivation in life. We find ourselves deeply immersed in all sorts of competition. Our whole sense of self is dependent upon the way we compare ourselves with others and upon the differences we can identify. When the question “Who am I?” is put to the powers of this world – school officials, church representatives, placement officers, athletic directors, factory managers, television and radio announcers – the answer is simply, “You are the difference you make.” It is by our differences, distinctions, that we are recognized, honored, rejected, or despised. Whether we are more or less intelligent, practical, strong, fast, handy, or handsome depends upon those with whom we are compared or those with whom we compete. It is upon these positive or negative distinctions that much of our self esteem depends. It does not take much reflection to realize that in all family problems, race conflicts, class confrontations, and national or international disputes, these real or imaginary distinctions play a central role. Indeed, we invest much of our energy in defending the differences between people and groups of people. Thus, we define ourselves in ways that requires us to maintain distance from one another. We are very protective of our “trophies.” After all, who are we if we cannot proudly point to something special that sets us apart from others?
This all-pervasive competition, which reaches into the smallest corners of our relationships, prevents us from entering into full solidarity with each other, and stands in the way of our being compassionate. We prefer to keep compassion on the periphery of our competitive lives. Being compassionate would require giving up dividing lines and relinquishing differences and distinctions. And that would mean losing our identities! This makes it clear why the call to be compassionate is so frightening and evokes such deep resistance.
This fear, which is very real and influences much of our behavior, betrays our deepest illusions: that we can forge our own identities; that we are the trophies and distinctions we have won. This, indeed, is our greatest illusion. It makes us into competitive people who compulsively cling to our differences and defend them at all cost, even to the point of violence."
This really made me stop and think. "You are the difference that you make" always sounded like a good thing to me. To think that attitude has stood in my way of being more like Jesus startles me. There are a number of other thoughts in this book that could keep me chained to my journal for hours. I wish it was a book someone made me read in college. I crave discussion. And I definitely need to have more compassion. That said, I'm only on page 28. So order it today and let's talk amongst ourselves.
