Soapbox

In February, my position was "downsized."
In other words, I don't make as much money now as I did then.
That reality has forced my family to shuffle our priorities a bit.
First thing to go: TV.
And that doesn't mean we just get fewer channels, or have crappy reception.
We get zero channels.
Period.

I missed it for about a week.
And every once in a while, I long for a Sunday afternoon with Mike Rowe.
But by and large, I can't remember when we had time to watch.
That doesn't make me a better person than you.
Just like the fact that you jog doesn't make you a better person than me.
Just had to put that out there.

Can you guess where this is going?
I've got something to say about... you guessed it: Jon & Kate.

I don't have anything new to say about their situation.
You've read my opinions stated by reporters a thousand times already:
-Heartbroken for the kids
-Knew it was coming
-The show will need to change if it will survive
-Kate can be a real bitch sometimes
-I miss the coupon clipping, real-life family from Season 1
-Yadda yadda yadda

That said, I fell in love with this family long ago, but especially while I was home on maternity leave.
Kate and me were buds. And I could ID her kids better than ones I see in person sometimes. I felt more connected to them than I did with people I actually have relationships with. Part of that was a symptom of my much needed postpartum hibernation. But part of that is the direct result of me just getting way too wrapped up in TV.

There, I said it.
Again, if you "follow" a show, I'm not judging you here. Seriously.
I would kill for an episode of Intervention right now.
And I heard about the new "Obsessed" series on A&E. Oooh, I want me some of that.

But I digress.

What's really irking my tater today is everybody saying "Shame on TLC"
"Shame on Kate"
"Shame on Jon"
"TLC should cancel the show"

Why? Because your obsession with watching someone else's life fall apart makes them money? Are you kidding?

If you watch the show, you have no right to judge or cast blame (or shame) on anyone - you fed the fire. I did, too.

And if you don't watch the show, then shut up.

Guess I should take my own advice, eh?

I didn't realize I felt so passionately about all this until right now. (thanks a lot, Kara)
Just don't get me started on American Idol.

Really?

I think I've entered a quarter life crisis of sorts.
I just can't get over my life.
Is it for real?

There are days when I wish I could change some detail about every single aspect of my life.
I am rarely completely content. I'm restless.
I'm realizing that it has a pretty significant impact on my relationship with God.

I am so oblivious to change sometimes that when I actually take a moment or two to notice it, I'm shocked.
Is this really my life?
When did I marry such a studly, humble, servant-hearted human being?
I own a house?
In Holland???
I've worked at the same "summer gig" for 7 years?

SEVEN YEARS.

That means next you're going to tell me I stopped being a student 7 years ago.

Am I where I wanted to be then?
Am I on a road that leads anywhere?
Do I know which direction I'm headed?
Is that the right direction?
Am I paying enough attention to the daily stuff?
Am I paying too much attention to the daily stuff?

Does my life really involve meeting the daily needs for another human being?
My son.


My son.


My son.



Wow.
I am a mother.
It has redefined all of me.

I didn't think it would.
I really thought I would still be me, just with a kid.

But I am no longer
Sara
Daughter
Wife
Worker
Friend.


For me, it begins and ends with mom.

It's a life time commitment.


That completely and utterly overwhelms me.

It's part of why I haven't been writing here.
Or anywhere, really.
I don't want to be a mommy blogger.
I just want to share my thoughts.

So here they all are from the past 7 months:

Holy crap - I'm a mom.